Holding stars in your palms

In the crystal darkness by the river side

I saw you standing and so I tried to hide.

Lonely, with your hands open towards

the sky so clear like a real piece of art.

As the moon reflected on the river top

I gracefully watched you, couldn’t stop.

You shined with peace as all the stars

from above all gathered in your palms.

You were holding light gracious as ever

 then you smiled , i won’t forget, never.

So i walked close to fall in love with you

and closed my eyes as i sae you did too.

You held my hand, kissed me just in case

 i’d disappear so you kept me in embrace.

Your voice was like a melody saying to me

 Now we can be whatever we want to be.

You kept a star and gave me another one

our destiny joint before the moment’s gone.

In hope and pure love i lived that night

but times has passed and nothing’s right.

The light is gone, and the heart is empty

you’re not to find and tears are plenty.

So i went back one last time to the river

just to find that there’s no more glitter.

In the haunting darkness of the river side

I saw you standing and i didn’t try to hide.

You stood with her lifting your hands high

to the sky, forgotten me in this lonely  cry.

And then you looked deep into my eye.

holding the stars in your hands saying bye.

But don’t forget that you’re holding starts in your palms!

Magic bond forming tonight

Standing in my room’s dim light

Watching the sky catching a sight

As stars are dancing up there high.

Knowing that special someone is

Just somewhere far away tonight.

Crystal pearls the stars that shine

Across the blueness called skyline

Making every little thing purely fine.

Thinking of him standing so bright

In the peace that’s spread tonight.

Beams lighting the sky in harmony

When owls sing a midnight melody

Late night butterflies dancing only.

Lifting my hand up above to write

Lullabies so he can see them tonight.

Slow wind blowing simply around

Linking our emotions that are found

Making it all feel like a magic bound.

Swinging away with a smile so right

Going to bed finally happy tonight.

In the dead of the night

I’m walking on the edge of this slippery road

All that follows me is a shadow that is odd,

In the dead of the night when the sky

Is plain and true,

Crystal and blue.

I’m holding my head down and make no sound

Silently letting my tears to touch the ground,

In the dead of the night when the rain

Is falling and washing,

My cheeks of crying.

I embrace the darkness that surrounds me

There’s nothing more that’s left to be,

In the dead of the night when the light

Is being blurred,

Far and truly blind.

I lift my hands up while I start to helplessly run

From the pristine sanity of this darkling fun,

In the dead of the night when the echo

Is strangely vivid,

Scary and torrid.

I’m giving up on the longing to be save right now

As dark’s ebony fluid is poisoning my heart,

In the dead of the night when miracle

Is slowly at dying,

Has lost its shine.

Homecoming

So there you are again..with all the things you wanted still flying away in front of your eyes. You've got a pay a high price for everything..though even if you pay a high price you never really get anything. 

Tears might make your eyes misty but you can still see clearly what exactly is inside of that thing called soul.

You wish you could scream, you wish you could shout, yell..or maybe just throw up so all the baggage you feel inside can be thrown out from your body. 

But it's not like you could get rid of it that easily..it's not like you can cut the bound. The affinity with pain was a treaty you signed long ago, it's like hotel california, you can never leave..unless..you gather strength and choose death. And after all you've been through i can understand how much you want it to happen, how much you wait for that making "everything easier" thing to just kick in..but you are weak enough to just waste away alive.

Let me tell you who you are ..you feel lost in the depth of your inner world...no one knows what is torturing you inside..you longed for small things..small things for the material world and huge ones for the world of the heart. You've never got them..why would you? You should see that your silver marked path was always made especially for you with round abouts of good things. You knew the beauty existed but you never ever got the chance to touch it cause you were supposed to go round and round in the same sparkling misery. And yet you tried to touch and touch the center of the spot and get beauty, but it all vanished away too soon, and it burned you like the read fire flames. 

 You don't have those little miracles now either..You were so naive and so innocent..I loved laughing at you when you said that things can only get better after all you've been through..I was having so much fun while you realised that things are getting worse and worse. But now you kind of took away my fun..you now see that it can always get worse and you just expect it patiently and acceptingly to happen.You don't have those flourishing hopes anymore..I loved when they were taken away..
  

You wonder if you asked for too much..if you wanted something special. Well everything you wanted seemed to be so pure, so true..simple things like love, care, affection, hugs..those things which never existed for you. Now you struggle to find out if they are too much to ask for? Apparently your penalty for life is loneliness and living a gorgeous lonely life.  And yes you always have to send alone..you wonder why? come on don't be pathetic..it's you after all..who said you deserve any good in life? Yes you craved so much for this, but after all craving is just selfish..right? What did you do wrong? Ironic..nothing..but it's not the point..you have to face this. 

 You keep complaining about the people around you..that they grew you up and never showed any care or affection..oh God do you listen to yourself..you could cry two thousands of rivers and people would still pass you by.  

And yeah last time i saw you having hug was when you hugged someone months ago holding a paper on which it was written free hugs. And yeah i saw your tears then..cause maybe for a slight second you stopped going around you felt care..How strange is my dear to hug a stranger and start crying of being cared for ..if even just for a fraction of a second? 

Oh yeah my sweetheart..people come and go, they take advantage and leave, they might even consider you funny for being there..but that's life and yeah I saw that's one thing you're willing to accept..but you still crave for one single person to be there for you, to be interested in the damages you've done, in how and even who you really are? You think that will ever happen? Cause if yes i might get some fun again just as last time..it was hilarious to see you unable to breath and with a different kind of pain inside. Wow..you actually payed such a high price for all the time you left me.. but yeah you are all mine now..so keep silent. 

I love your room ..so cold and so dark..it suits your soul so perfectly..darkness of emotional pain, and struggle inside. What a perfect combination for tonight. So welcome home my only one..

You're always truly friend Loneliness 

Slow death of your hopes

It’s so easy for you  to break down. Maybe easier than ever. It’s something special yet so heart breaking. Flowing like a river in your  veins the pain just tortures you.

Wasting all the moments you live wondering of bittersweet memories, looking for insecure future. Not giving a damn about the present yet having to face all it’s emotions.

You wish for a saviour..but you have to admit that saviours do not exist. Nor do miracles. And It’s even harder to go on without having small illusions as hopes.

You don’t make any sense..you don’t make sense to yourself, how could you make sense to anyone else?  

All alone in the nothingness inside, you can’t get out of the misery. You feel like you can’t take the tears 

anymore. You want just a little help. But you can’t ask for it. You face everything alone trying too hide or run away from the glittering tears, from the dark paths of loneliness, from the outstanding beauty of fears.

You got to a point. Everything bothers you and everything scares you. You find it hard to go out on the street, you’re afraid of tomorrow’s happenings and mostly of the broken dreams you may try to chase.

You’re world is built up of illusions. And yet you can’t and you don’t even want to stop following them. You’re waiting for a heavenly help..instead you get damn disappointments.

You just want to escape, have a loving arm around you. No you’re not looking for anything special. Just for the feeling of being loved and safe. Which can be so far from you.

You want to wander alone on the dark streets at night. To let your tears out as the stars shine on your cracked face. The Moon guides you and the stars comfort you. Without a sound they give you some peace. Maybe just because human power or human emotions can’t harm them. They are safe.

You wish you could stay on one of them. Looking down from above watching the never ending play in front of your eyes. Rushing people, led by emotions, instincts , false believes.  

The only way out which you see is hiding yourself or running away. You wish you jumped on the first train and went as far as possible from this pain, from the stunning brightness of your inner damage.

But you never did , and you’re not at all patient . You want this to end.

No one understands you, and there is no one to whom to turn to. Nothing is possible but everything can get broken in seconds of time.

Wondering why you can control your life is so depressing. Depressing thoughts, emotions, feelings, dreams...and nothing certain.

You want to feel love, pure and innocent love. The care and the affection. That someone wants you. Someone is close to you whenever you need. You want to be selfish and finally get someone who actually gives a damn about you and it’s willing to finally pass out from the row of those who just take advantage of you.

Pain can be so easy. Breaking down easier. Pain is like a drug. Is its way of being. It guides you all the way through. Makes you want more of it. Wants you have more tears. Makes you human. And actually you feel like belonging near pain. There is no other way. You just feel thankful for having a place in life. Pain is your all time friend. Brought you a lot more friends...such as loneliness, depression,  insecurity, fears, anxiety and so on. All of a baggage.

Your confusion is so hard to take. Crawling in the middle of nowhere...looking at streets, places like you never saw them..actually you saw them thousands of times.

Someone should save you my dear. You don’t stop praying yet you get no answer. You just want to finally experience how is to have as your friend Happiness...

Tears and tears running but how much time do they have ?

Innocence of breaking down

Dear, I see you stading all alone in the middle of a huge crowd. They all look at you, but neither of them is able to support you for more then 5 minutes. After listening to your painful tears they leave in hurry. Maybe because of this hetic lifestyle, but most probably because they think you are wothless..

They just pas away. You're crying, you're a small child who lost her momy, and misses her a lot. You're all alone and no one loves you. You're so small, they are so huge besides you, then go on and on around you each day. Circles never end. You just stay there...wondering will even anyone help you, will someone take you home? Will someone give you your lost happiness. Well the sky turns grey, then darkness falls around you, no matter how the weather is, no matter if the birds sing or not, no matter if people buy newspapers you still stay the same. And you're missery only incrases all around you. After a while you realize that momy never was there for you. You never had a hug , a heart to heart talk. Never had anyone on your side. So that's how you know what responsability is and how to be mature, too mature for your age when others are holding their teddis, find their kinder garden sweethearts.
Everything turn to grey when you look trough your tears. People around you.. they all pass away, hurry for something, loose all dreams, loose their lifes, become trendy and that's how they become as all the others around them. Without any care for others.

Could someone give you back your little teddy, could someone just hug you for once, just to feel loved and feel that life can be better, cause you're not alone. A siimple hug instead of judgement, aa simple kiss on your cheeks instead of making you loose all self confidence. You're so insecure, feeling insignificant, and still hoping.. for a better tomorrow which shall never show up.

My child you shall go to sleep by now, let the cold of night weep away all your tears, let you seem like a perfect, lovely sleeping angel. Let the pain turn to blessing trough your dreams. And dream of love, care and hope which marks your trail in life.