So there you are again..with all the things you wanted still flying away in front of your eyes. You've got a pay a high price for everything..though even if you pay a high price you never really get anything.
Tears might make your eyes misty but you can still see clearly what exactly is inside of that thing called soul.
You wish you could scream, you wish you could shout, yell..or maybe just throw up so all the baggage you feel inside can be thrown out from your body.
But it's not like you could get rid of it that easily..it's not like you can cut the bound. The affinity with pain was a treaty you signed long ago, it's like hotel california, you can never leave..unless..you gather strength and choose death. And after all you've been through i can understand how much you want it to happen, how much you wait for that making "everything easier" thing to just kick in..but you are weak enough to just waste away alive.
Let me tell you who you are ..you feel lost in the depth of your inner world...no one knows what is torturing you inside..you longed for small things..small things for the material world and huge ones for the world of the heart. You've never got them..why would you? You should see that your silver marked path was always made especially for you with round abouts of good things. You knew the beauty existed but you never ever got the chance to touch it cause you were supposed to go round and round in the same sparkling misery. And yet you tried to touch and touch the center of the spot and get beauty, but it all vanished away too soon, and it burned you like the read fire flames.
You don't have those little miracles now either..You were so naive and so innocent..I loved laughing at you when you said that things can only get better after all you've been through..I was having so much fun while you realised that things are getting worse and worse. But now you kind of took away my fun..you now see that it can always get worse and you just expect it patiently and acceptingly to happen.You don't have those flourishing hopes anymore..I loved when they were taken away..
You wonder if you asked for too much..if you wanted something special. Well everything you wanted seemed to be so pure, so true..simple things like love, care, affection, hugs..those things which never existed for you. Now you struggle to find out if they are too much to ask for? Apparently your penalty for life is loneliness and living a gorgeous lonely life. And yes you always have to send alone..you wonder why? come on don't be pathetic..it's you after all..who said you deserve any good in life? Yes you craved so much for this, but after all craving is just selfish..right? What did you do wrong? Ironic..nothing..but it's not the point..you have to face this.
You keep complaining about the people around you..that they grew you up and never showed any care or affection..oh God do you listen to yourself..you could cry two thousands of rivers and people would still pass you by.
And yeah last time i saw you having hug was when you hugged someone months ago holding a paper on which it was written free hugs. And yeah i saw your tears then..cause maybe for a slight second you stopped going around you felt care..How strange is my dear to hug a stranger and start crying of being cared for ..if even just for a fraction of a second?
Oh yeah my sweetheart..people come and go, they take advantage and leave, they might even consider you funny for being there..but that's life and yeah I saw that's one thing you're willing to accept..but you still crave for one single person to be there for you, to be interested in the damages you've done, in how and even who you really are? You think that will ever happen? Cause if yes i might get some fun again just as last time..it was hilarious to see you unable to breath and with a different kind of pain inside. Wow..you actually payed such a high price for all the time you left me.. but yeah you are all mine now..so keep silent.
I love your room ..so cold and so dark..it suits your soul so perfectly..darkness of emotional pain, and struggle inside. What a perfect combination for tonight. So welcome home my only one..
You're always truly friend Loneliness
