Cause he is the light tonight

My emotions fly on wing’s of timeless time

dispersing soundless confessions of mine.

At midnight at shadow of crescent moon,

my secret words come out of their cocoon,

leading me into this fearless dreamy mime...

as i think of him cause he is the light tonight.

My soul starts dancing to slow harp melody

lifting me gracious when around is nobody.

At this moment of true wonder and sparkle ,

in my heart rebirths a small sentiment parcel,

covering my eyes in blithe losing track of agony...

as i think of  him cause he is the light tonight.

Twinkling of stars illuminates the sky around,

dead roses of love turn to red on the ground.

In time of darkness my feelings turn lyrical, 

in harmony  happens a long overdue miracle,

i see my angle to realise i’ve been finally found...

as i think of him cause he is the light tonight.

Painless longing disappears suddenly in the air,

when vanilla fragrance spreads around my hair.

The crystal tears from my face slowly fade away,

while i’m taken by hand and  kept from astray,

walking side by side with my desire’s angel in care...

as i think of him cause he is the light tonight.

When lights go out tonight

The light of the candle suddenly dies

And silent darkness all around you flies.

Reflection of emotions of what has been

and what’s not there, those that mean

nothing but much to only you in there

soul that has been lost not knowing where.

Streetlamp marks contour of your face

And the night’s pain takes you in embrace.

Remnants of those memories of long lost

angelic innocence, haunt you that almost

make you lose your breath unconsciously

gasping for air to lift yourself up to slowly fly.

Flashlight shows a strange world being part

Of sweet dreams tonight to host your heart. 

Hopes that vanished under life’s Dark Knight

reappear in illusions and you  without fight

accept them true and blind to lead you now

 silently on that mystery path no matter how.

A magical path is sparkling away and ahead

And with your eyes closed  a tear you shed.

As little voice of your past clings from behind

tells you about wonders you’re unable to find

so the magic slowly dies, the music stops to rhyme

case you’re all alone for the rest of the time.

Magic bond forming tonight

Standing in my room’s dim light

Watching the sky catching a sight

As stars are dancing up there high.

Knowing that special someone is

Just somewhere far away tonight.

Crystal pearls the stars that shine

Across the blueness called skyline

Making every little thing purely fine.

Thinking of him standing so bright

In the peace that’s spread tonight.

Beams lighting the sky in harmony

When owls sing a midnight melody

Late night butterflies dancing only.

Lifting my hand up above to write

Lullabies so he can see them tonight.

Slow wind blowing simply around

Linking our emotions that are found

Making it all feel like a magic bound.

Swinging away with a smile so right

Going to bed finally happy tonight.

true love ( or how i wish to be loved)

I was there and it was a perfect summer night..just as perfect as i always imagined it to be. I was so happy i could barely walk on the earth i felt like i have wings and i could fly...fly above everything and everyone without letting anything or anyone hurt me anymore. She was right there besides me and i could finally hold her hand. The soft skin on the back of her hand reminded me of a child’s cheek. I was holding her hand gently and nothing else mattered. I knew that i will never have this feeling ever. That no one else could give me this feeling in this entire world. She had that girly smile on her face and it looked like she finally feels happy. 

We were sitting on the grass, her hand in mine and we were watching the stars. She was looking up at the sky and i was looking at her. She was so beautiful she sparkled in the night just like a star. She was my star. I couldn’t help staring at her, analyzing every little part of her face. Seeing the sweetness and beauty shine on her. She realised i was looking at her..well i was rather staring. She looked at me and asked if everything is okay. I stared back at her, looked deep into her eyes realising i can see the whole world in them, i can see the past, present and what’s more important the future. 

As the light chilly breeze was playing with her brownish golden hair i could see a reflection of myself in her eyes, a reflection of who i am when she looks at me, the person i always been searching for. I don’t think i ever felt that much love for anyone ever. I didn’t want anything else just stay there holding her hand and admiring her blink from time to time forever. i couldn’t sense the moments stepping into the past, all i could feel was eternity...that i will love her always and forever. I didn’t know how she felt. I’ve been terrified to ask her because that was a dream in the middle of the cruel reality and i didn’t want to wake up ever.  By this time she was gazing at the blue velvet sky again. 

She lifted up her other hand and showed me the most shinny star...she told me how she’d love to be on it and look down from it and watch the people and countries, watch the sunset and sunrise, the seasons changing, lovers walking, people growing old and children getting born. I watched the enthusiasm on her face as she told me all that and i couldn’t help but smile. Her innocence was precious. It totally charmed me, made me want to be around her and forget the whole cruelty of the world out there. She stopped talking and took some deep breaths from the chilly air around us as she lifted her head up to the sky again. I closed my eyes and smiled with every little piece of my heart. I could feel her slowly laying her head on my shoulder and i put my arms around her. Each of her simple movements was gracious and beautiful. It felt like a miracle. I can still recall the moments when i didn’t open my eyes just enjoyed the way her hair gently touches my face as the wind blows. Every time her hair flew in the wind i could inhale the sweet scent of her perfume. A fragrance i will never forget, mystic, charming yet innocent. Just like her. The delicate odour totally froze me and i had to lay a little closer not to lose track of it. I laid my head on hers and i kissed it. She was in my arms now and i could sense that she was feeling safe. 

We stood like that for hours. We didn’t move at all just stood quietly observing the world around us. I was the happiest person alive in that night as i had her near me enjoying the simple fact of having close the angel i loved from all my soul. I sang to her for a little while some slow melody and she snuggled a little closer, eventually she fell asleep in my arms. I couldn’t stop guarding her sleep. She looked amazingly peaceful in my arms like she always belonged there. I stood awake all night long holding her like a child holds their most precious toy or teddy. With grace and care not to broke her or hurt her. The sun started shining across the landscape with gorgeous reddish orange lines when she opened her eyes and looked at me, she seemed surprised of me still keeping her close. She kissed my cheek and we watched the sunrise together. The emotional closeness and harmony i felt with her was unrealistic and it made me feel like i’m dreaming and will wake up soon.

Think of me and I'll be fine

When the morning brings new ray
 

And you open your eyes for a new day

Think of me and I’ll be fine. 

When you hear the nature’s voice

And to answer is your preferred choice

Think of me and I’ll be fine.

When you get lost in the beauty land

And when you hold happiness by hand

Think of me and I’ll be fine.

When fragrance fondles your scent

As red flowers swing your way absent

Think of me and I’ll be fine.

When the magic seems to vanish

and all skies start to turn to greyish

Think of me and I’ll be fine.

When raindrops flood your cheeks

While with sadness your soul speaks

Think of me and I’ll be fine.

When all those clouds have drifted

And by daydreams your mood is lifted

Think of me and I’ll be fine.

When the warm air hits your face

As the breeze holds you in embrace

Think of me and I’ll be fine.

When the sun is setting down again

And you replace with joy your pain

Think of me and I’ll be fine.

When the colours make you blind

By beams that you seem not to mind

Think of me and I’ll be fine.

When you look tonight at the stars

At those gorgeous lonely sparks

Think of me and I’ll be fine.

When the moonlight guides you by

On your perfect journey while you fly

Think of me and I’ll be fine.

When you walk in the lovely light

Distance gathers in your eyes so right

Think of me and I’ll be fine.

When you dream with butterflies

And wander on the wings of times

Think of me and I’ll be fine.

You ( an old poem)

              

Being my daylight,

Shining for me instead of my star.

Loving me at night and dawn:

You are the one and only one.

Comforting me when night is unkind,

Waking me with newborn light,

Showing way and guiding bright:

You are the one and only one.

Waiting for the time to come,

Listening when all is said and done,

Smiling just for having fun:

You are the one and only one.

Holding me close when i so feel,

Wiping my tears me when i so need,

Now that is confirmed and official:

You are the one and only one.

 

 

In the dead of the night

I’m walking on the edge of this slippery road

All that follows me is a shadow that is odd,

In the dead of the night when the sky

Is plain and true,

Crystal and blue.

I’m holding my head down and make no sound

Silently letting my tears to touch the ground,

In the dead of the night when the rain

Is falling and washing,

My cheeks of crying.

I embrace the darkness that surrounds me

There’s nothing more that’s left to be,

In the dead of the night when the light

Is being blurred,

Far and truly blind.

I lift my hands up while I start to helplessly run

From the pristine sanity of this darkling fun,

In the dead of the night when the echo

Is strangely vivid,

Scary and torrid.

I’m giving up on the longing to be save right now

As dark’s ebony fluid is poisoning my heart,

In the dead of the night when miracle

Is slowly at dying,

Has lost its shine.

Heartfelt Chirsmtas

Throughout the month of December the world is trying to be better,

Waiting for something special  led by candle lights to come near,

For the delightful one and only Christmas each and every year...

When souls are filled with joy and warmth of love, there is no fear.

Crystal snowflakes fall forming a flossy blanket on the ground,

Cheesy Christmas songs and cinnamon scent is spread all around.

People are rushing on the streets with gift bags crossing the crowd.

Children are making snow angels that are easy to be found.

Lights and decorations are fitted on the buildings in our hometown.

Orange and pine flavour encounters us at home when we sit down.

Our Christmas trees are shining in the houses from night till dawn.

No wonder we can celebrate almost now ...let’s begin the countdown.

Then we open up our hearts for the magic of Christmas to come.

As puddings, cakes and cookies are combined with love to create some

Atmosphere that  is truly blessed, precious and far from worrisome.

Everyone seems ready for a new true Christmas eve to welcome.

If only for one day wrapped around people’s soul is real affection

The world is celebrating, in hearts Christmas records are put on.

People sharing gifts, dinners, prayers showing great appreciation,

No one should be on their own celebrating love, care and attention.

What is right...? (How to love him)

Spending quality time gazing at the sky..

Hoping that special someone is just fine!

Miles away unablae to touch or even smile

Holding him close deep inside my heart.

The only place where i can finally find

Some kind of inner peace instead of cry!

He is my everything my sky and my star

Nothing can change that ...no time apart!

Filling the void that’s in my heart with his

Care... spreading those healing magical

Words that are oh way too hard to find.

Unexplainably special is all he ever was!

Afraid to lose him after opening hearts up.

Scared he might get hurt and I won’t be

There or able to make a difference in his life.

At least protect him from all the painful scars

Hide him away from the wrong that is around.

Make him feel again the beauty of the blithe!

Uncertainty is all that’s found in me now:

Who am I to really know what’s so right?

What if I’m selfish enough to screw it up?

To turn the wrong to worse to find:

That all I dreamt of and fought for had just

Simply fell apart in the middle of the night.

Walk along the day...inner song

 

Far away at the edge of the horizon  

The beauty of the dawn puts show on

Filling this soul of mine with affection

Can this be an all time permanent  affirmation?

Blinding sunlight feeds my deepest part

Melancholic sound to tear me apart

Distant yet calling me...sweetheart

Is this supposed to be some kind of torturing art?

Warm late breeze touching my hair

 My heart skips a beat my lungs gasp for air

Reminisce of love is suppressed by despair

How can possibly a magical life like this be so unfair?

Pinkish orange sky leads me eager

Blithe and gloom to guide together

My angels fight my demons for better

Does  this slight chance of change even matter?

Silver blanket and evening melody

Makes our souls dance without a body

Embraces me gently...so true and godly

IF this feels so perfect why isn’t here anybody?

Enchanting moonlight gives me life

You and me spinning to the star's fife

Charming memory just like a real knife

Do you truly think this is just an endless strife?

In the dark of the this ebony night

I call out for some new born light

For a ray of sparkle to show me sight

Is there a solution for this painful inner fight?

I look around, wonder and start to see

No one is ever here except to me

Lonely and lost...seems like there is no we

Why won't this miserable ache for once just let me be?

 Feeling all the hurt that lays inside

When pure solitude and love collide

Two opposites which stay right beside

Will there ever be something like a  winning side?

Uncertainity

Gloomy, hurting sight within the depth of my feelings and trust,

When love that’s felt and cherished it turns to dust 

And my concealing cry tortures me and tears me simply apart...

So trembling and gracious like it seems some kind of art.

Love inside feels to be remains of all that’s left and lost its shine.

They might falter...and so what cause they are nothing but all mine!

Also my misery shows that the impression of truth is just unkind...

And the magic is present and the beauty makes me taste the blind.

I keep hiding from the voice that is my shattered broken heart’s,

When my soul is yearning more to release emotions of all kinds .

Deep inside I wish to make you hear everything through heart unsaid...

With all the flowing crystal pearls on my cheek that keep me sad.

If only

If only I had the power to turn the wrong to right

If only i could hold you tight

If only my love would have been enough

If only this world was not so tough

If only your heart was able to give you a sign

If only you could still meet mine

If only you would care to change your mind

If only i could leave it all behind

If only my dreams would conquer you in time

If only i could ever see your smile

If only i had wings to fly

If only you could hear my cry

If only you would say i love you one more time

If only i could be  your one and only perfect one

If only it would still be fine

If only it could have never fell apart

Homecoming

So there you are again..with all the things you wanted still flying away in front of your eyes. You've got a pay a high price for everything..though even if you pay a high price you never really get anything. 

Tears might make your eyes misty but you can still see clearly what exactly is inside of that thing called soul.

You wish you could scream, you wish you could shout, yell..or maybe just throw up so all the baggage you feel inside can be thrown out from your body. 

But it's not like you could get rid of it that easily..it's not like you can cut the bound. The affinity with pain was a treaty you signed long ago, it's like hotel california, you can never leave..unless..you gather strength and choose death. And after all you've been through i can understand how much you want it to happen, how much you wait for that making "everything easier" thing to just kick in..but you are weak enough to just waste away alive.

Let me tell you who you are ..you feel lost in the depth of your inner world...no one knows what is torturing you inside..you longed for small things..small things for the material world and huge ones for the world of the heart. You've never got them..why would you? You should see that your silver marked path was always made especially for you with round abouts of good things. You knew the beauty existed but you never ever got the chance to touch it cause you were supposed to go round and round in the same sparkling misery. And yet you tried to touch and touch the center of the spot and get beauty, but it all vanished away too soon, and it burned you like the read fire flames. 

 You don't have those little miracles now either..You were so naive and so innocent..I loved laughing at you when you said that things can only get better after all you've been through..I was having so much fun while you realised that things are getting worse and worse. But now you kind of took away my fun..you now see that it can always get worse and you just expect it patiently and acceptingly to happen.You don't have those flourishing hopes anymore..I loved when they were taken away..
  

You wonder if you asked for too much..if you wanted something special. Well everything you wanted seemed to be so pure, so true..simple things like love, care, affection, hugs..those things which never existed for you. Now you struggle to find out if they are too much to ask for? Apparently your penalty for life is loneliness and living a gorgeous lonely life.  And yes you always have to send alone..you wonder why? come on don't be pathetic..it's you after all..who said you deserve any good in life? Yes you craved so much for this, but after all craving is just selfish..right? What did you do wrong? Ironic..nothing..but it's not the point..you have to face this. 

 You keep complaining about the people around you..that they grew you up and never showed any care or affection..oh God do you listen to yourself..you could cry two thousands of rivers and people would still pass you by.  

And yeah last time i saw you having hug was when you hugged someone months ago holding a paper on which it was written free hugs. And yeah i saw your tears then..cause maybe for a slight second you stopped going around you felt care..How strange is my dear to hug a stranger and start crying of being cared for ..if even just for a fraction of a second? 

Oh yeah my sweetheart..people come and go, they take advantage and leave, they might even consider you funny for being there..but that's life and yeah I saw that's one thing you're willing to accept..but you still crave for one single person to be there for you, to be interested in the damages you've done, in how and even who you really are? You think that will ever happen? Cause if yes i might get some fun again just as last time..it was hilarious to see you unable to breath and with a different kind of pain inside. Wow..you actually payed such a high price for all the time you left me.. but yeah you are all mine now..so keep silent. 

I love your room ..so cold and so dark..it suits your soul so perfectly..darkness of emotional pain, and struggle inside. What a perfect combination for tonight. So welcome home my only one..

You're always truly friend Loneliness