Beauty of sadness

I sit here in silence. Everything seems so peaceful, nothing seems to disturb my deep loneliness. My tears run down fast on my cheeks, they taste salty. There is no sound.. just the crash of my tear drops on the floor. Soon it turns to be a small splash. It's like a rain in which you are all alone, the streets are empty, there isn't a soul, everything feels like time stopped. I start to see why i feel, i close my eyes, and my heart and soul reflects me a picture. Picture of my inner world. Picture of this crimson pain. Pain which can't be seen from outside.. but it can be surely felt from inside. It's night, the big Moon is giving me light, it's guiding me in this place of broken dreams. I start to wander on my heart's narrow streets. It's a long cubbled street..and it seems endless. It is empty, lonely. The coulds are covering the sky above me, and they wash away all the sunshine. This place seems peaceful. How can't it be?! It is so empty. I finally see a corner, as i trun this corner i notice that the rain is not fast anymore, in fact real slow. The corner shows me finally a house. A small one, as I pass by I look in, what I see? Better wouldn't even look in.. i see a family, driffted apart. A mom with cries in her eyes. A dad full of anger, and a daughter full of sadness hiden all inside. I just wonder what they might feel.. and slowly realize that i passed in the small house of my soul dedicated to my family. I wonder what made me change this town so much. There was a time when it was a cool place, with sunny streets and houses with flower gardens and people.. all cheerful and noisy. Now.. that things changed so much, my town feels like dieing. It's lost, and the silence just kills me even more. I pass away near the house and while the rain starts to fall again fast i can barely see in what direction i'm going. I wander for ages till i get to see a girl and a man. They seem to be ok, they walk near each other, i come from back. When they hear my footsteps they turn to me, i see tears in her eyes, and the man looks emotionless. The girl passes near me.. without even saying bye she leaves and they choose different ways. The girl runs away, the man goes to meet a woman, he seems to feel so ok. I go after the girl and ask her who was the person , she only replies my dad disappointed me. I feel embrased. I wish i could help her, help her go away from this place. I wander and wander but there seems to be no way out. Endless road.. in the world of nowhere. I find the key, i come out and lock the door. My tears turned to a big splash. I feel scared, scared of life and scared of death. I saw life and i saw the road to hell. And all that inside me. Inside the most clear and innocent place of a body. I feel like falling, everything around me is loosing their shape, i feel afraid of tomorrow, of the next day..but i feel afraid of this emptiness.I feel that it's inside. I want to scream, but no matter how hard i try i can't be heared. My aquintances are passing by and they don't even notice i'm suffering.. But slowly i feel peace.. peace enough to sleep.. slowly i fall asleep.. and then i finally feel ok, my dreams lead me to a wonderland, where i can feel love, care ,understanding and joy...things i don't have in reality. Beauty of sadness.. the long walk in my soul, the pain inside.. I'm falling apart